Reliving the old days

So it's been ages. I think most old friends have started to abandon this lil project. I dont think it was a 'cool' thing to do anymore. I do miss free writing. I do miss expressing my thoughts in hope that positive like minded people out there will appreciate the occasional wisdom. I think off late I have been going on this struggling journey to keep reminding myself to trust The Most Merciful that He knows best even when life is giving you bitter gout or lemon if u prefer...and i also have become very active at keeping ppl motivated with hopes that I believe in my words as well. Oh how Allah has been kind to me!

I have this new project in mind. Not sure whether to continue it here or start fresh with a new blog. It's a very personal topic that i am hesitant to share but I also realized being a geek and being an optimist at heart, spreading love and positivities will always be a good deed.

Oh well let's give it a couple of days and weeks. Looking back at my old posts, I realized how much I've grown and how i wish i knew better...hehe...that's life after all. You learn and u live.

Till my next project. xoxo

The eternity

So Prophet Ibrahim (as) was thereby led to face Allah alone. Like him, we need to put our full hope, trust, and dependency on God. And God alone. And if we do that, we will learn what it means to finally find peace and stability of heart. Only then will the roller coaster that once defined our lives finally come to an end. That is because if our inner state is dependent on something that is by definition inconstant, that inner state will also be inconstant. If our inner state is dependent on something changing and temporary, that inner state will be in a constant state of instability, agitation, and unrest. This means that one moment we’re happy, but as soon as that which our happiness depended upon changes, our happiness also changes. And we become sad. We remain always swinging from one extreme to another and not realizing why.

We experience this emotional roller coaster because we can never find stability and lasting peace until our attachment and dependency is on what is stable and lasting. How can we hope to find constancy if what we hold on to is inconstant and perishing? In the statement of Abu Bakr is a deep illustration of this truth. After the Prophet Muhammad ? died, the people went into shock and could not handle the news. But although no one loved the Prophet ? like Abu Bakr, Abu Bakr understood well the only place where one’s dependency should lie. He said: “If you worshipped Muhammad, know that Muhammad is dead. But if you worshipped Allah, know that Allah never dies.”

To attain that state, don’t let your source of fulfillment be anything other than your relationship with God. Don’t let your definition of success, failure, or self-worth be anything other than your position with Him (Qur’an, 49:13). And if you do this, you become unbreakable, because your handhold is unbreakable. You become unconquerable, because your supporter can never be conquered. And you will never become empty, because your source of fulfillment is unending and never diminishes.

-Taken from HOTDHOTD
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I thought this article was inspiring. It's easy to fall into the trap of emotional attachment. It's easy to define yourself by measuring what you have and comparing it with others. I know we always try not to do it but somehow subconsciously we want what others have and we ask ourselves why can't we have it too. I think detaching yourself from what you perceive as happiness and success takes a lot of courage and determination. You need to have the strength to shift your mind and I think it takes a lot of practice too.

I spent the whole day thinking about what really defines life and how do you find the courage to move on from something that you think you need and want the most. How do you get through the pain of wants and needs and always having to battle with obstacles. I guess the article sums up perfectly what I need to do. It reminded me that there is no true definition of yourself except of what you mean to Allah. I have strayed and got lost so many times. I hope I do not forget my path to eternal love and happiness.

Update

It's been awhile...I know. I have just been pretty lazy to write. Well here I am now hoping that I would be able to keep up with blogging again. So, nothing new is happening. I have gained more weight than ever. Although I secretly wish that this staggering increment of weight is due to pregnancy, however I am still very much preggie-less and has been feeling quite annoyed lately when people keep assuming that I am. Thanks for praying though!

I can't say that I don't wanna get impregnated. God knows how much I love children and how badly I miss the next-door neighbour's girls. I wish my kids are as smart and as adorable as them but hey I guess God still wants me to enjoy our honeymoon period.

Speaking of which can you believe it's almost December already. Felt like it was just yesterday that I left down under and it was only last night that I got married. 2 months from now and we'll mark our very first anniversary. Isn't that just awesome! I've never met someone so patient and so easy going as the man I married. Huhu..i think each time he's away kinda makes us appreciate each other better. Not that I want him to go outstation more often than he does now, but you know what I mean.

So that's my thoughts for today. I am having pretty annoying headache tonight and I hope I sleep better. Can't wait to recover from this cough and flu. Ciao

Starting a new career

Oh my goodness, I have made sooo many mistakes and I kept making them again and again and again. I swear I feel like shooting myself or jumping from the 21st floor of my office building or maybe walk through the busy road and let me get run over by a car or a lorry. It's exhausting and it's exasperating and I swear I cant even give myself another chance for making those silly, typo/grammar/punctuation errors. I am so not fit to become a magazine editor...sigh..

The week has finally passed by. I know I have another week to battle through for another important deals to go through but I am trying not to be ahead of myself. Take things as it comes and be really focus. Despite the elevated stress, I managed to get through it and a simple thank you sms from my client was good enough to wake me up with a smile on my face.

So I've started working since 3 months ago. I have definitely learned a great deal and when I try to take all the negativities out of the equation, it's actually a pretty good experience that I never thought I would actually be doing. So I am gonna be thankful with what I have and not gonna lament or think about what I have missed.

Since I like to ponder a lot on my decisions, I sometimes wonder why did I choose this job, why didn't I just go to that other interview, why didn't I apply for more jobs? But I know God has His own way of telling me that I need this. If I just try to look at everything in a positive light, I might be able to realize that it's a valuable experience worth fighting for. If I try not to think about that place that I miss sooo much, I might find a way to start embracing the reality that I am not going back there any time soon.

A friend questioned me why is there a strong attachment to that place. I guess the only correct answer to it is that it was my sanctuary. It was like a place where I gather all thoughts. A place where I revive myself. A place where I forgive myself and I let myself fall in love again. A place where I became stronger. A place where I can be a drama queen without anyone judging. hihi...

One day, I will go back, even just for a day. I will make sure of it.

New life

Halloooooiii

I admit I have left this blog to rust. I have been very lazy to update anything which is really not a good excuse at all. Besides, my self-conscious mode was kicking in and I was sooo paranoid to write about myself again.

Today I would like to announce to all my silent readers that if you have any suggestions on how to earn side income, please do share it with me. I believe that it is time that I look for the opportunity rather than wait for my next salary increment. I know I've only been back to the working world for about 2 months. I have taken a break for too long that I am starting to be a little bit complacent. I am also in need of a new attitude of life and do everything that I can to ease my worry of all the liabilities that are waiting to consume me. I need to find a solution, weigh the best option and take action fast.

I blame Melbourne for all this constant worry. I am missing it terribly and I would love to go back. One day I will. Life was soo much easier. I could run away from reality. It was a much simpler life. No traffic, no insecure people and complete work/life balance. Ahh the dream shall continue until I can finally reach it.

Can I just announce to the world that I am missing Mr. Hubs terribly. I've gone through 5 weeks. One more week to go!

Weddings

It's been awhile! Sangat la malas nak update. Also, sometimes I suffer from self-conscious issues. Rasa macam mengada2 pulak nak tulis selalu and to update about my life. Suddenly it makes me feel weird that strangers or some aunties or uncles are reading my blog. So when the feeling has died down and when I feel less weary, that's when the idea starts flowing and here I am writing again

First thing first, the wedding was an absolutely amazing experience. Just like any other normal bride, I was nervous like crazy. One thing I recommend is to have someone close to you by your side throughout the entire journey because this person or in my case these 2 amazing people will help ease your mind off any unfavourable thoughts and even restraint you from becoming a bridezilla. I almost gave up and cried my eyeballs out but I know it was all part of the processes and by 6.10pm on the 4th of February, I was officially a wife and nothing can take away the feeling of finally sealing the relationship to a legal and religious bond. Alhamdulillah

I am mostly humbled and grateful to everyone who has helped organised both wedding receptions - KL and Penang. Although I wish I had been given more opportunity to contribute, I know it was done at my best interests and I thank everyone who has made it as beautiful as they can. I admire all the joint family effort who came by the house, weeks before the event and helped with all the cleaning, the making of DIY pelamin and house deco, the cooking and every other things they can think of to ensure smooth running of the day.

I am most definitely flattered and honoured that my other half managed to execute everything that we've planned and even went out of the way to making sure that every single aspect of the event is well thought of and well-managed. I know some guys don't usually like to participate in wedding preparation, but he definitely has set the bar higher than what I expected and despite all the hiccups, I love every single thing about the night. We wouldn't have done it without Perfect Day Planner who obviously helped lessen my hubby's stress and anxiety level. It's not easy to plan a wedding when both my husband and I are abroad but thank god for a wedding planner! Thanks to my brother in law too who came up with all the wonderful ideas to spice up the event. I should also thank our wedding decorator who helped visualize our ideas into a gorgeous setting. MasyaAllah, I wouldn't mind going through that night again!

So there goes my lengthy blog post on my weddings.

As for married life, I'm still adapting and it's definitely a different journey and a different challenge. I am loving every single second of it.

Wishing

Ahhh I miss them sooo much...

I wish...hmm I wish!