Starting a new career

Oh my goodness, I have made sooo many mistakes and I kept making them again and again and again. I swear I feel like shooting myself or jumping from the 21st floor of my office building or maybe walk through the busy road and let me get run over by a car or a lorry. It's exhausting and it's exasperating and I swear I cant even give myself another chance for making those silly, typo/grammar/punctuation errors. I am so not fit to become a magazine editor...sigh..

The week has finally passed by. I know I have another week to battle through for another important deals to go through but I am trying not to be ahead of myself. Take things as it comes and be really focus. Despite the elevated stress, I managed to get through it and a simple thank you sms from my client was good enough to wake me up with a smile on my face.

So I've started working since 3 months ago. I have definitely learned a great deal and when I try to take all the negativities out of the equation, it's actually a pretty good experience that I never thought I would actually be doing. So I am gonna be thankful with what I have and not gonna lament or think about what I have missed.

Since I like to ponder a lot on my decisions, I sometimes wonder why did I choose this job, why didn't I just go to that other interview, why didn't I apply for more jobs? But I know God has His own way of telling me that I need this. If I just try to look at everything in a positive light, I might be able to realize that it's a valuable experience worth fighting for. If I try not to think about that place that I miss sooo much, I might find a way to start embracing the reality that I am not going back there any time soon.

A friend questioned me why is there a strong attachment to that place. I guess the only correct answer to it is that it was my sanctuary. It was like a place where I gather all thoughts. A place where I revive myself. A place where I forgive myself and I let myself fall in love again. A place where I became stronger. A place where I can be a drama queen without anyone judging. hihi...

One day, I will go back, even just for a day. I will make sure of it.

New life

Halloooooiii

I admit I have left this blog to rust. I have been very lazy to update anything which is really not a good excuse at all. Besides, my self-conscious mode was kicking in and I was sooo paranoid to write about myself again.

Today I would like to announce to all my silent readers that if you have any suggestions on how to earn side income, please do share it with me. I believe that it is time that I look for the opportunity rather than wait for my next salary increment. I know I've only been back to the working world for about 2 months. I have taken a break for too long that I am starting to be a little bit complacent. I am also in need of a new attitude of life and do everything that I can to ease my worry of all the liabilities that are waiting to consume me. I need to find a solution, weigh the best option and take action fast.

I blame Melbourne for all this constant worry. I am missing it terribly and I would love to go back. One day I will. Life was soo much easier. I could run away from reality. It was a much simpler life. No traffic, no insecure people and complete work/life balance. Ahh the dream shall continue until I can finally reach it.

Can I just announce to the world that I am missing Mr. Hubs terribly. I've gone through 5 weeks. One more week to go!

Weddings

It's been awhile! Sangat la malas nak update. Also, sometimes I suffer from self-conscious issues. Rasa macam mengada2 pulak nak tulis selalu and to update about my life. Suddenly it makes me feel weird that strangers or some aunties or uncles are reading my blog. So when the feeling has died down and when I feel less weary, that's when the idea starts flowing and here I am writing again

First thing first, the wedding was an absolutely amazing experience. Just like any other normal bride, I was nervous like crazy. One thing I recommend is to have someone close to you by your side throughout the entire journey because this person or in my case these 2 amazing people will help ease your mind off any unfavourable thoughts and even restraint you from becoming a bridezilla. I almost gave up and cried my eyeballs out but I know it was all part of the processes and by 6.10pm on the 4th of February, I was officially a wife and nothing can take away the feeling of finally sealing the relationship to a legal and religious bond. Alhamdulillah

I am mostly humbled and grateful to everyone who has helped organised both wedding receptions - KL and Penang. Although I wish I had been given more opportunity to contribute, I know it was done at my best interests and I thank everyone who has made it as beautiful as they can. I admire all the joint family effort who came by the house, weeks before the event and helped with all the cleaning, the making of DIY pelamin and house deco, the cooking and every other things they can think of to ensure smooth running of the day.

I am most definitely flattered and honoured that my other half managed to execute everything that we've planned and even went out of the way to making sure that every single aspect of the event is well thought of and well-managed. I know some guys don't usually like to participate in wedding preparation, but he definitely has set the bar higher than what I expected and despite all the hiccups, I love every single thing about the night. We wouldn't have done it without Perfect Day Planner who obviously helped lessen my hubby's stress and anxiety level. It's not easy to plan a wedding when both my husband and I are abroad but thank god for a wedding planner! Thanks to my brother in law too who came up with all the wonderful ideas to spice up the event. I should also thank our wedding decorator who helped visualize our ideas into a gorgeous setting. MasyaAllah, I wouldn't mind going through that night again!

So there goes my lengthy blog post on my weddings.

As for married life, I'm still adapting and it's definitely a different journey and a different challenge. I am loving every single second of it.

Wishing

Ahhh I miss them sooo much...

I wish...hmm I wish!

Sentimental value

Alamak sejak baik dari sakit perut ni tiba2 jadi sentimental pulak. Ni mesti kes red flag la ni sebab semua mende nak sentimental. Semalam, bila pikir kan, tak kisahlah berapa berat badan pun asalkan sihat walafiat sampai la ke tarikh2 yang penting tu.... Tula dia nikmat kesihatan Allah bagi tak pernah hargai. Bila dah sakit, cirit-birit la, pening2 la, baru ingat Ya Allah, cepat2 lah baik. Sejak sakit baru la terasa, alamak lepas ni tak bole nak mengada2 dgn parents lagi...especially bila mama masakkan bubur and bangun malam2 buta bagi minum air. See, kan dah kate sentimental mode dah sampai. Yes I know lepas ni mengada dgn Mr. Hubs la pulak tapi tak sama macam mengada dgn mak sendiri kan.

Bila tgk the state of bilik tidur sendiri, adus mcm ni ke gayanye orang nak kawin. Punyela malas nak put things into its rightful places. hihi... Tu belum tang memasak nye lagi. Tapi bile pikir2 balik, nak cuak buat ape. Dok Melbourne 2 tahun, bukannye makan pasir or menginap dalam khemah. Masa tu relax je buat semua mende. Balik rumah selepas seharian kat uni, terus gi dapur, bukak peti cari bahan nak masak utk 3 orang. Setiap 2 minggu beli groceries dgn housemate siap penuh 3 shopping trolleys. Tak kire lg layan kerenah Mr F yang datang Melbourne sampai 4 kali setahun. Itu sume kire training la tu. hihi...

Ya Allah, tgk countdown kat sebelah tu, rasa nak gugur jantung dah. Ala normal la kan rasa mende2 canni. Sudah2 lah tu

The girls

I can't contain my tears. The truth is I'm missing the girls sooo much. They've been such great friends to me. I always love babysitting them even when they can be a bit too much to handle - this is especially when the sugar rush has started to kick in. How I wish I'm back in Nicholson!

Well i better set up a Skype date with the H's soon...

Transition

Ada sebab kenapa kadang2 rasa nak balik Melben. Salah satunye sebab rindu gile kat anak jiran yang sgt comel dan bijak pandai. Rindu nak dgr adik bongsu diorang nangis tgh malam meragam sebab macam2 hal. Lepas tu petang2 lepas sekolah abis mesti dgr diorang masuk rumah berlari2 sepanjang hallway. (Yes somehow Melbourne houses are not soundproof). Dalam seminggu tu kadang2 almost everyday datang ketuk pintu depan rumah sampai nak pecah, suruh bukak pintu utk diorang sebab diorang nak datang lepak2. Yes they do that although they are only 7 and 5. Setiap kali jumpe mesti peluk diorang dulu and Rubs will start rambling about whatever she wanted to tell us atau pun tanye kitorang ade makanan best tak sebab diorang lapar. Rumah orang bujang biasa nya mesti lah ada makanan yang tak menyihatkan seperti cokelat atau chips. So budak2 tu la yang akan abiskan sebab kitorang mmg suke tinggal kan utk diorang.

Lagi satu rindu sgt dgn freedom utk kemana-mana tanpa rasa segan silu atau mintak kebenaran. Rindu nak gi jalan2 kat city dgn hanya naik tram. Tak yah berebut2 kereta bila nak jumpa member. Bila2 rasa nak lepak, bole keluar je. Kalau rasa malas nak basuh pinggan, bole tinggal kat sink sampai esok tgh hari baru basuh, takde sape nak potpet. Kalo rasa nak lepak atas katil satu hari layan youtube atau tgk cite Glee pun suke hati lah. Rindu sgt nak naik beskal pegi uni sebab berbasikal di Melben sgt nyaman. Rindu nak rasa buat dessert and then check2 takde barang kat fridge so gi jalan gi Foodworks yang hanya 3 minutes dari rumah and beli ape yang patut. Rindu nk gi jalan kat 7 angels and deborah k carik baju yang berharga $10 semata-mata utk fill in my desire utk shopping. Dahlah only $10, size pulak berlambak, takla rasa gemok je all the time.

Baru 3 minggu balik, dah rasa cam nak pindah. Terimalah kenyataan, semua tu dalam kenangan so kene belajar utk move on. Brace yourself for more changes to come...

The Transition Graph...

Obviously sekarang tgh level first shock and minggu ni graph dh mule jatuh

cepat2 lah masuk recovery phase and terus sampai level transformation

Emo

How can you wake up one day and feel sooo angry at everything. It's way too early to be having PMS I reckon. Why can't this headache be gone and why do I have to be hungry all the time. Grrr.

I'm just irritated by all voices in the world today. If I could I would rather be back at Nicholson and minding my own business

Reception 1 and 3 dress - checked

I've received many comments on my weight gain. I admit that I have been eating more that I usually do during my last month in Melbourne. Well, everyone would eat more when they spend the whole day walking around the city or just walking around shopping. Plus, mummy dearest was around - which means proper meals. hihi.. Unfortunately for me, all extra fat are usually stored on my cheek and tummy first before you can see the difference in any other parts of the body. So thank you for noticing my chubby cheeks and bloated tummy. Grr

I had to become a pengapit for my cousin's wedding on Christmas day and the whole time I was standing on the dais, all I could think about was how fat I was and how I wish I could run a few miles just to burn all those calories. Hihi.

I have chosen the wedding dress for the other 2 receptions. That was easy. I was nervous that I couldn't find one dress that will satisfy all parties but everything went well and I'm still thinking about my weight gain right now as I'm typing all these words. Shooohhh... Okay, let's stay focus....Oh heck, bye I'm changing my clothes and will be going out for a run.

Fantastic Adventure

The big day is finally over. I have been extremely tired to even think about the big graduation. It was my second and it was more relax than I ever expected. Besides keep leaving stuff behind and running around uni to find it, it was all worth the wait- took awesome pictures with family and friends sans professional photographer and had a nice dinner at Sofia with friends and Ms P was kind enough to drive my family to Camberwell and back to Thornburry.

I know it sounds soo cliche but yes I could never have pulled it off without my beloved parents. Oh yes, they have sacrificed so much and I am forever grateful.

I always say that Mr. Fiance deserves 30% of my Master because of all the proofreading and editing that he has to make especially when I was too cranky and tired to re-read my assignments. For that, I would like to congratulate him for surviving 2 years of mood-swings and 'I-know-what-I'm-doing-stop-nagging' attitude.

I have to give a special shout out to my lil bro for being cool enough to answer those late nights meltdowns through sms especially when I have some disagreements with the significant other. Wished he could have joined the event today. It would have been awesome to have him around

All in all it was a fantastic adventure and if I have the money I would beg hubby-to-be to let me stay in Melbourne longer. I'll be back, I promise

So long Melbourne.

p/s: i cant hardly open my eyes right now, so please ignore those odd phrasing and awkward grammar

Tears and Goodbyes

The hardest thing about moving on is saying goodbyes. I thought I could be strong and just smile as I hug and bid them farewell. Instead, we were all bawling. Two years flew by and we had grown so close to each other.It breaks my heart into little micro pieces having to leave them. I am not sure if they are going to remember 'the girls' next door as much as we would in 10 years time, but I do hope that when they do look back, somewhere at the back of their mind, they can recall that there used to be 2 girls living next door at Nicholson and we had shared loads of fun together.

To A & T, you were the 'coolest' parents ever. Thank you for entertaining all those frequent requests and helping out in every way that you can. To M, R and A, I hope we'll see each other again and may you girls grow up to become amazing artists/dancers/ any other things you aspire to be.

To Melbourne, I am leaving you soon.

As I look back and ponder

Can't believe it's coming to an end. Just the thought of it makes my heart twist. I know it sounds cliche but I really can't believe that it's been two years. All the struggles and hiatus are finally over. Right now, the house is almost empty. We're sleeping on an air mattress, all clothes are packed in boxes except those i'm keeping for the next one month. I wish I could just stay longer, but my new life awaits me and I'm also looking forward to the next chapter.

There are just way too many things that I will miss, mostly the freedom to find your own dreams. I enjoy meeting new people. Although I didn't become as extroverted as I wanted to, I know it's a great lesson to learn and I need to constantly push myself to achieve great things from now on. It's okay if I falter, life is all about experience right?

I am going to miss out watching my adorable neighbours grow up to be amazing and free-spirited girls. I've learned so much from them and their parents. I realised that most important lesson to teach a child is to let them learn and experience life as a child. Shape their minds by valuing each skills and encouraging them to experience and experiment. I understand why the Australian/Westeners interact the way they do or even think the way they do. They have been encouraged to do so since young. I hope I don't forget to instill these spirit into my children when I have one. InsyaAllah

I will miss the freedom to do things on my own, make mistakes and learn how to be better. I admit I was sooo damn lazy the last semester. I just had to push myself constantly although I always ended up doing everything to the very very last minute. I realised that my brain can't take too much information in a day. I like to plan but I never follow through and almost all the time, I can't wait to be done with everything.huhu. That was how difficult the battle was for my last semester. I did make it through though. 3rd December will be the ultimate outcome of everything that I've worked for. InsyaAllah I will graduate

I hope when I board that plane to my home town, I would look back and be proud of myself. I made it through my master. I hope to be humble and kind. I hope it won't make me boastful. I hope I learn to acknowledge and respect people and I hope people won't misjudge me. The road I've taken IS for everybody, if you set your heart and mind into it. So I'm sure with determination, everyone can get through it. I'm really no better than anybody else. My passion is just different. I love to learn and that is all there is to it! In other words, I'm a nerd ;)

Keep it up

When I think about all those things I've done, my heart bleeds. How Allah has blessed me with so many good things in life and how I haven't done much to show Him my appreciation. How selfish I've been. No matter how many wrong turns I took, He still answers my prayers. Sometimes I feel embarrassed to even want to ask more things from Him, believing that maybe I do not deserve it. I know He hears me and in my weakest and darkest point, I know only He understands.

I have to put a stop to this procrastination. My life depends on the last 3 hurdles. I will go through my last battle and InsyaAllah I will graduate.

To infinity and beyond!!!!!!!!!!!!

Power of acceptance

Sometimes you ask yourselves soo many questions to know whether you've made the right decisions. You then asked God if He can show you some guidance. You keep on searching and you realised maybe the sign is within you but you just don't wanna accept it.

Once you've made the transition, you ask The Almighty for the strength to go through any hurdles. You asked Him for His blessings. You realised that you are no longer afraid of that decision any more. It's right because it feels right.

Accepting is a powerful decision. If the journey ends in a different direction, well so be it. I know I was brave enough to even decide and accept it in the first place.

Don't give up

Psssttt,

Mummy dearest is planning the whole wedding event for moi twice (KL and Penang)! I'm gonna have three receptions. hihi. One for all my lovely friends and awesome family, one intimate event for his friends and family and another one networking event for my dad's colleagues and VIP guests.

All three events will have totally different 'themes', totally different crowds and surroundings, totally different expectations and totally different looks. I'm looking forward to the dressing up, maybe not so much on the hurdles that I have to go through. Well, it's all part of the processes right.

Being a natural people pleaser, I hate it when I think I've offended someone or anyone. It tears me into pieces just thinking about it. So wedding preparation is such a challenge for my poor heart and mind. Oh yes, there are times when I want to give up and think, well here I am trying to make everyone happy, but who cares about my fragile heart? It's all part of the processes kan...

7 days to go to finish all uni-related stuff. My mind can't take any more studying after this.

The End is Near

Okay so the plan is to write how I feel before the end is official and then compare the difference. So here goes

Tomorrow is going to be my last day at uni. It would also probably be my very last time in uni as a student unless I wanna do Phd which i have no intention of doing any time soon. Well never say never kan...

I feel a bit relieved that I managed to go through the hurdle of 2 years squeezing my brain out. There were times when I just wanna get the hell out of this country, there were also those times when I don't think I ever wanna leave. I know I need to face the reality and get back to my old routine if I can ever find that routine again.

I'm excited for things to come but I also need to be real and be really2 patient for my next hurdle- job search. I may not enjoy the process entirely but it's something that I have to do so I need to buckle up and get ready to sell myself, in a professional way of course!

I can't believe it's finally happening. Ya Allah berat sungguh nak habiskan. Memang banyak dugaan sepanjang 2 tahun ni. Doakan everything will end smoothly for me.

Cerita lain pulak, just realised that my wedding is going to be in 3 months. Oh No!!! I wish I can share all the preparation stories but I feel so conscious to talk about it cos I feel like it might sound as if I'm bragging or something. Please pray that the preparation will go on as smooth as possible and most importantly please pray that there's no big conflicts from any parties!

At random

Last 2 weeks of school...come on babeh!!

Sooo many things to do. Soo little time...Tapi still got time to update blog...haiya...

I am going to miss Melbie soo damn much. I wish I can stay longer, I want to but sape mau sponsor me money??? dushhh ( that's a reality penumbuk to my face to remind myself that i need to stop berangan)

Feels like it was just yesterday that I took a brave plunge to down under because I was demotivated, frustrated and disappointed with my life (drama queen moment again).

I was talking to Rubs the other day and she said 'please don't ever forget us' (while holding back her tears)...awww...heartbroken sekejap...

Why does the uni decide to change their student admin system n caused a massive problem esp the grad date. Why does it have to happen this year!!! Flights from 24 onwards is sold out. Since the price between AirAsia and MAS is sooo similar i rather take MAS...tapi kalau dah sold out, nak naik apa...hmfff...balik in January la nampaknye...NO!!!

I'm worried kalau i just can't go home in December, i might just let go off the dream of getting the designer to design my dress and just opt for whatever collection she has...oh pls let me have this one dream without it being taken away too....

p/s: yes this post has defy all grammar rules of any sort of continuation from one paragraph to the other

Being lazy

Kenapa kene malas. Tinggal 2 bulan je lagi. Adoi...macam mana nak elak kemalasan. Well, you can start by not giving anymore excuses and stop finding other things to do BUT your main task.

Tahu, tapi tak mahu buat

Marah tapi tak nak berubah

Dah gemok tapi tak nak exercise

Nak keje tapi tak nak update resume

Nak save duit tapi tak nak berenti shopping

Nak balik for good, so pls la jangan malas lagi. Kalau ada peluang bole duduk sini lagi lama kan. Tapi kalau malas semua melepas okay

Sekian terima kasih

p/s: Smokey dah mandi and he smells goooooddd

On My Own

Arghh selalu canni. I'm not so good with myself. I find it hard to be alone. I reckon it's because I had to say goodbye to my dearest bestie who was here to cheer me up for a week. Now that she's back all I could think about is I wanna go home. I knew this would happen.

Come on girl. The ticker says you have less than 100 days to go. I can do this!!!

Can I not go home but have everyone with me here instead? Seriously, Melbourne is a great place to live. Come to Melbourne people...

p/s: my room mate is coming home tomorrow so that should be fun.

Tick tock

Check out the ticker at the side....

It's drawing near..yeay. Today is definitely the day when I wish I could go home. I suddenly wish I could be with that someone to give him emotional support.

Come on girl. You can do this. Stop the laziness and start working!!!